You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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