a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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