I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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