Where is the hickey?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
