I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
