My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
