i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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