Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is classic penis vs brain.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
