the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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