sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize