It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
