perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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