Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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