mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
