i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
