3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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