need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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