This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
