this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
