Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
