worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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