Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
