I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
