I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
