When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
