I swear she didn't look like that last week.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
