Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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