Why does Corona taste like a burp?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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