My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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