went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
