She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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