yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize