If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
