I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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