a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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