It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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