Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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