currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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