Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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