TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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