so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
