she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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