Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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