oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
