So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
