i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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