i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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