3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
