I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
