So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize