What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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