Jerry, you need to find god
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
