True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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