Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
