Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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