he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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