Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
