Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
