Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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