And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
