what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
