A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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