Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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