there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
