I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
