boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
