I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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