Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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