"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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