Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
