Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And my parents said I crawled through the house
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
