she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You are the jesus of drinking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
