You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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