Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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