I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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