I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
