this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
