i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
