I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
