Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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