Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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