i just had sex bonerless
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
