hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
