I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
