There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize