I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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