i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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