Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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