so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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